An Unusual Songfic #1: Ash, A Parody of Stan
by Cassandra Jade Tinnikis
Summary: Um... I can't really explain this one, but if you're an Eminem fan, you know what it's about...


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An Unusual Songfic #1- 

Ash: A Parody of Stan

Disclaimer: If you're a true Eminem fan, you will understand the title. If not, the song is about some dude who kept writing to Eminem, never got a reply, got mad, and killed himself and his girlfriend. That's it in a nutshell. And the song had a lot of cursewords, so I just bleeped them out. But I didn't bleep out the phrases that B96 don't play… hehehe… Stan belongs to Eminem and his record label… Pokemon belongs to Nintendo and 4Kids Entertainment… and the story belongs to me.

An Unusual Songfic #1-

Ash: A Parody of Stan

Misty walked into the commonroom of her, Ash and Tracy's house. Team Rocket had finally stopped chasing Pikachu, having finally caught it, so James had become a rap star, and Ash devoted his life to him, writing letters and collecting posters.

Everyone had grown another 5 years, which meant Ash was now 18 and Misty was twenty. Ash had gotten Misty pregnant, and she was about 4 months along. Misty hated the fact that Ash talked about James 24/7, especially since they were about to get married before the baby came.

Ash was writing something, it looked like a letter to Misty. He didn't even notice her. Misty knew exactly what would Ash's attention.

She walked up behind him and started singing his favorite song…

"My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all… the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all…And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall…it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad at all…"

That didn't work, so she tried again…

"My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all… the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all…And even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall…it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad at all…"

Misty realized that this wasn't going to work, so she came up behind Ash and asked what he was writing. When he didn't answer, she started reading it, whether it was private or not:

"Dear James, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'  
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom  
I sent two letters back in autumn  
You must not have got 'em  
It probably was a problem at the post office or somethin'  
  
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em  
But anyways, f*** it, what's been up man, how's your daughter?  
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father  
If I have a daughter, guess what I'm-a call her? I'm-a name her Bonnie.  
  
I read about your uncle Ronnie too, I'm sorry  
I had a friend kill himself over some b**** who didn't want him.  
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan.  
I even got the underground s*** that you did with ScamZ.  
  
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man.  
I like the s*** you did with Ruckus too, that s*** was fat.  
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back, just to chat  
Truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Ash."

"Well, I see you're trying to break your habit of cursing," Misty said antagonistically. She earned a narrowly missed punch and a "Shut up, b****!" from her soon to be husband.

Annoyed, she walked back into the bedroom.

About two weeks later, Misty did the same thing. She walked from the bedroom into the commonroom just to see Ash writing another letter. She suspected that James hadn't written back, otherwise, Ash would've been jumping for joy.

She tried the singing thing again, hoping this time she'd attract his attention: "My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all, the morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all, and even if I could it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad at all…"

When she didn't get any answer, she walked back into the bedroom to wait for him. Ash didn't come in at all, and Misty got sick and tired of waiting, so she went back out. Not to her surprise, he had left, probably to go drinking with Brock and Tracy. She found the letter on the desk, this time to her surprise, and started reading it:

"Dear James, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have the chance.  
I ain't mad, I just think it's f***** up you don't answer fans.  
If you didn't want to talk to me outside your concert, you didn't have to   
but you could have signed an autograph for Matthew.  
That's my little brother, man. He's only 6 years****old.  
We waited in the blistering cold for you for 4 hours and ya just said no.  
That's pretty s***** man, you're like his f***** idol  
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you****more than I do.  
  
I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' lied to.  
Remember when we met in Denver, you said if I write you  
You would write back. See, I'm just like you in a way.  
I never knew my father neither.   
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her.  
  
I can relate to what you're sayin' in your songs.  
So when I have a s***** day, I drift away and put 'em on.  
Cause I don't really got s*** else, so that s*** helps when I'm depressed.  
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest.  
  
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds.  
It's like adrenaline. The Pain is such a sudden rush for me.  
See, everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it.  
My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you****24/7.  
But she don't know you like I know you, James, no one does.  
She don't know what it was like for people like us growing up.  
You've gotta call me man. I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose.  
Sincerely yours, Stan. PS: We should be together too."

Misty was astonished. She didn't know that Ash slit his wrists, or that he was gay… She hoped the latter wasn't true. She decided against the urge to pursue the answers, and went back to bed.

When Misty woke up the next day, she was neither in her bed, nor in her pajamas for that fact. She was totally naked, give or take her underwear and bra, and tied up. If you looked closely, you would realize that she was in the trunk of a car. That explained the stale air that she was barely breathing.

She heard Ash's muffled, slurring voice from the front seat. He had definitely been drinking last night…

"Dear Mr. "I'm too good to call or write my fans"  
This'll be the last package I ever send you're a**.  
It's been six months and still no word. I don't****deserve it?  
I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect.  
  
So this is my cassette I'm sending you. I hope you hear it.  
I'm in the car right now. I'm doing 90 on the freeway.  
Hey James, "I drank a fifth of vodka, ya dare me to drive?"**  
**You know that song by Phil Collins from "The Air In The Night"?  
About that guy who could have saved that other guy from drowning?  
But didn't? Then Phil saw it all then at his show he found him?**  
**That's kinda how this is. You could have rescued me from drowning.  
Now it's too late. I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy.  
  
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call.  
I hope you know I ripped all o' your pictures off the wall.  
I love you James, we could have been together. Think about it.  
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it.**  
**And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it.  
I hope your conscious eats at you and you can't breathe without me!"

Misty's screams could be heard from the trunk through Ash's cassette player.

  
"See James, {screaming} shut up b****, I'm trying to talk  
Hey James, that's my girlfriend screaming in the trunk.  
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you.  
'Cause if she suffocates, she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too.****Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now.  
Oh s***, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this s*** out?"

Even if you were in the middle of the city, you would have heard the car splashing into the water next to the bridge.

And that was the end of Ash and Misty.

James sat down in his small living room the next day. He was going to answer fanmail, but he didn't know how to concentrate because the chorus to one of his songs was haunting him, and he didn't know why…

"My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all… the morning rain clouds up my window, and I can't see at all… and even if I could, it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall… it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad at all…"

James saw Ash's letters, but not the tape, since he hadn't sent it. James decided to answer those first…

****

"Dear Ash, I meant to write you sooner, but I've just been busy.  
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?  
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that.  
And here's an autograph for your brother: I wrote it on your Starter cap.  
  
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I must have missed you.  
Don't think I did that s*** intentionally, just to diss you.  
And what's this s*** you said about you like to cut your wrists too?  
I say that s*** just clownin' dawg, c'mon, how f***** up is you?  
You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some counselin'  
To help you're a** from bouncin' off the walls when you get down some.  
  
And what's this s*** about us meant to be together?  
That type of s***'ll make me not want us to meet each other.  
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other.  
Or maybe you just need to treat her better.  
I hope you get to read this letter.  
I just hope it reaches you in time.  
Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'd be doin' just fine  
If you'd relax a little. I'm glad that I inspire you, but Stan  
Why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want you as a fan.  
I just don't want you to do some crazy s***.  
I seen this one s*** on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick.  
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge  
And had his girlfriend in the trunk and she was pregnant with his kid  
And in the car they found a tape but it didn't say who it was to  
Come to think about it...his name was...it was you… DAMN!


End file.
